i was born a porn star she said
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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