You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize