im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
