omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
