I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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