can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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