soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
