honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
