If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
