If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
