I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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