Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
