Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
