I need to stop coming to work sober
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
