Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
