i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
