Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
