Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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