Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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