What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
