Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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