Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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