I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
