I don't remember. Are we still dating?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
