my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
