why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize