i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
