Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize