Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
