i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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