Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
