Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
