She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
