Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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