I want to stick my p in your. b.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
