I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
