I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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