i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
third nipple confirmed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
