did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
