It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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