and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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