Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
