so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize