i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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