You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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