There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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