it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
