so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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