meet me or not, i'm out of control
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
