so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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