Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
