In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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