The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
