and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
