I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
