Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
