Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
