I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
