i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize