I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
