I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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