You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
