dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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