i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize