How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
