he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
