I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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