Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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