I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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