I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
