Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
